the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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