I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
