honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize