HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
