remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
