i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
