just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
