i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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