i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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