i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
