I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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