Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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