Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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