i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
what day is it and did you see me today?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
