; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
