i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
