he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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