He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
