Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
