I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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