He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
