zippers are such a cool invention
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
