That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
