how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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