i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
