I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
