Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
