Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
