how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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