margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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