the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize