Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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