im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
