i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
