You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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