Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
