DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
