i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Ambien. No doubt about it.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
