so that wasnt chicken after all
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
