I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
