i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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