I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
