I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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