I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Pappa wants mamma naked
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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