I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
