Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
