there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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