making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
