It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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