I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
