I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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