The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
