Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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