hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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