I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Come on in and take your pants off
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