from now on my penis is your penis
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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