i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
