I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
