Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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