Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
