If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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