OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
